As I continue this journey that I know in my heart is wrong, it gets harder and harder. For multiple reasons. First I know Im wrong. I know everything Im doing is wrong. I know someone else is on the other side and does not deserve what is happening. I sometimes find myself regretting getting in so deep. Because now these feelings are real. This isnt a crush. I love this man who belongs entirely to someone else. I also find myself struggling with jealousy. Hes not mine. He goes home to someone else. The more I find myself loving him the more I hate that shes with him. The more I dont want to share anymore. I want him to myself.
However, if I got him would I ever be able to trust him? Or would I always wonder if hes doing to me what he did to her? Granted, I would deserve it! Karma will come along. But am I prepared to take that chance. The love I feel for him is strong though. I dont know if I want to throw away everything because Im scared to take that risk when I knew the whole time what I was doing.
It all just seems so crazy. This situation is wrong. But how could our love ever be considered wrong? Obvisouly how we got here was not the best. It was hurtful and wrong. But now that we are here it doesnt feel wrong anymore. It feels like I was meant to meet him. Meant to be with him. Im truly sorry for who its going to hurt. I feel bad for putting her through that when and if she finds out. However, its bittersweet. As selfish (and i know it is) as it sounds im happy with him. I love him. I cant regret that.
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