It's been awhile since I have been writing. I think because of the guilt that I have been feeling. I need an outlet but sometimes the guilt of the situation is just too much to even write it down. I know that I am wrong for what I am doing. However, it makes it no easier. Feeling guilty does not make you stop loving someone. If this were only sex it would be different. I have fallen deeply in love with someone who does not belong to me. The guilt is overwhelming at times.The temptation is none the less there though. Its not simple to just walk away from something you cant imagine your life without. I think the hardest part for me was deciding and accepting I was not going to walk away. I had to make a choice to stay and deal with the consquences. Those being good or bad. 
Things are still very much up and down. One day I feel like we are moving forward. Others I feel very much at a stand still. I remind myself to be patient and things will work out. Maybe not the way I want in the end but one way or anther. Recently, he came to me on his own and told me he told her he was unhappy. He explained to her that he wanted to leave. When he told me about this I could tell he very much meant was he was saying. I honestly believe he is scared to make that change. He's afriad to turn that corner. But I honestly believe that he does want to. I guess that little bit of reassurance makes me believe that we will have a chance at a real relationship. Not a secret one. I am very much in love with this man. I want more than anything in the world just to be able to tell people how I feel about him. To be able to hold his hand anywhere and not worry about who sees. I want to be able to tell my friends about him and have him at holiday dinners. I hope someday this will be what happens for us. For right now its still very much a waiting game though.  I guess the same waiting game it really has been the entire time.