I have found myself confused more and more recently. I guess not confused about us in general but what is okay and not okay in this relationship. I mean the statement in itself seems ridiculous! None of it is really okay. This whole situation is a mess that neither of us want to leave but we both know its wrong to continue. It seems more recently I have found myself feeling as if he's mine. I have let my mind go blank to the fact that he belongs entirely to someone else. I have found myself head over heels for someone that is not mine at all really. It feels as if he is but no one can ever know. A select few do know but the general population never can. Everyone else see's him belonging to someone else. With this being said its created turmoil for my emotional state. I feel like I love this man. But when would be the right time to tell him? When is the right way to tell him?
As much as I danced around the subject with him, I could never say it. Jokingly, sure it was said. Never the real way though. He did one time tell me he loved my kids. That was serious. He tells me all the time that he likes me. But never the "love" word.
Today out of nowhere I decided to tell him. I wrote him a text only saying "I love you". After an anxious day of not hearing from him I felt his feelings had changed. Or that was not how he felt for me. My mind raced thinking maybe I crossed a line I shouldnt have. My mind was flustered with the what ifs. How as I supossed to know. I have never been in this type of situation. I still don't want to be.
About two thirty a reply came. The words said "I love you too babe!!" I just stared at my phone for at least ten minutes before I replied. My mind even though maybe in wasnt meant to be sent to me. I couldnt believe he said he loved me!
The bitter sweet is still there though. It makes the situation that much more complicated. I mean sure, he says he loves you but he still goes home to someone else every night. He still belongs to her. But I guess for the moment the fact that he loves me will have to be enough.
