Life has taken me many places but this has yet to be one of them! I've never been one to cheat, likewise I've never been one to encourage a cheater. However, I now find myself falling for someone who is in a relationship. Fresh out of a marriage I found myself liking a guy I work with. Not only liking him but becoming emotionally attached, as I went through one of the hardest things in my life. I found myself going to him to pick me up. I needed his support and his encouragement as I struggled through my household problems. As I fell for him, he became more interested in me. We started meeting up. Just to talk at first. Then feelings got stronger. I throughout the six months that we continued to become closer was open with my feelings. Telling him I was falling for him. He also expressed he had feelings but due to his situation was naturally more closed. Our relationship progressed to be what felt to me like boyfriend and girlfriend. However we dont call it that. I guess you could say friends with benefits. I feel guilty that I have become the other women. Its never been a place I thought I would be. I feel ashamed. I don't want people to view me at "that type of girl". None the less that is what I have become. It also makes things more complicated that we work together. Our relationship is already a secret but that just makes it that much more under locks. A few people at work do know. Not in detail really just that we have feelings and see each other outside of work. Keeping a secret like this all the time can b exhausting. It's also emotionally draining. My thoughts are always worrying that "she" will find out and be devastated.
Not that it makes it okay but she is not good to him. Of course, I would think that. However, its not just me. Many from work have noticed her over sharing on facebook about how bad he is and how bad he treats her. I am not in their relationship. I don't know what happens behind closed doors. I do know what kind of man I see of him though. He's the kind that will lift me up when we are fighting. Even when he's mad at me. The kind that see's me hurting and even though he's upset with me will try and make it better. I can't picture him in the light that she puts him. I of course can't say for certainty shes wrong but I can say I can't picture it.
Either way now I've found myself in this mess of falling for him and not wanting to walk away and being the other woman and so clearly in the wrong. My selfish feelings have overtaken my brain and I am at a loss for what to do next. I am confused on where this is going. It's only a matter of time before "she" finds out. This can't go on forever. I would never ask him to leave her even though he claims not love her. My heart does want him to be all mine though.